This majestic fellow is called a Kara Kara. Or at least that's the most common response to my inquiry as to what the big bird answers to. Mexicans can often be innocently ignorant of the proper names of things, and me being raised in the eat or be food competitiveness of our school system, find it necessary to gather as much useless information as entirely possible. You never know when the knowledge of every known bird of prey will allow you climb over the back of some unsuspecting fool, on the upward, fast as you can, ladder to nowhere.Knowledge is power.....arrrgh... Use it as weapon.
I have long stopped asking Mexicans the names of certain trees, when for the most part, the most common answer is... arbol.. Spanish for tree. This response is generally followed by a somewhat condescending leer, as if perhaps I would be better served inquiring as to the whereabouts of the nearest insane asylum. Anyone can see it's a tree Tonto.
It would seem that unless one is planning on a career in Botany, any knowledge of trees, other than the most rudimentary, is best left to the people who need to know.
It was not my intent to offend however, and my sole purpose for the inquiry was so that I may gather more ammunition in my never ending quest for banal fodder, and superiority, whether real or imagined. I'm guessing it's the latter.
In all fairness, I'm sure that my somewhat limited grasp of the language may be playing a part in the confusion. Or on the other hand perhaps I may have crossed over some cultural nuance of which I'm unaware.
Possibly.... Possibly... I should not know the names of trees.
Possibly.....Possibly... Simply knowing would be cause for unease.
The trees cannot talk.
The trees cannot see.
If it weren't for the trees
Then where would we be
Two can play at this game Suess..... "Doctor" seems extremely suspicious.
But I seem to have digressed somewhat.
I guess I can now add a resentment to children's authors to my ever growing list of fanatical neurosis.
I would like to point out at this juncture that I, in no way had anything at all to do with the late, Good Doctors...AHEM... demise, and if asked I'm sure I could render a reasonable alibi.
Now to the topic at hand folks.... Nicknames
I know, I know, I forgot what it was too.
It would seem Mexicans, not unlike peoples from anywhere else on the planet, when unknowing , or simply unhappy with an assigned label for something , simply give it a different one.
There is evidence of this wherever we wander, or even right in our own families.
My own youngest sister,Margaret, when brought home from the hospital, had enormous ears, and when my father,whom had probably had a few too many gin and tonics, and was still trying to come up with a plan as to how he was going to feed number six on the Catholic, populate the planet hit parade, called her Pixie. As in the elf....Ahhh...Gin. The poor mans L.S.D.
There are other reasons for using nicknames, that I have just recently noticed, and these seem to apply to ex-patriots, whom have become, to me, a plethora of untapped sources of minutia, and nonsensical, ideologies. A wannabe writers, nirvanic abyss of the surreal.
God bless the sixties.
The Ex-Pat's reason is deliciously simple.
Foreign and domestic governments wish to monitor their every move.
In short.....Anonymity
So in order to bring you, the reader of this diatribe, along for the ride, I have compiled a list with some of my favorite attempts at eluding big brother by proxy of manufactured aliases.
Enjoy............
Ding Dong Don........Something to do with a past career in the porn game
Michigan Mike ..... A bit revealing, but I don't think the onset of paranoia has took hold yet
Perfect Peter...... At least that's what the ladies say
Gestapo Bill......A migratory fellow just up from Brazil...
Nice Guy....Runs a lab
Immaculate Lynda.... No I didn't forget the girls........Refuses to elaborate
Ordeal......A.K.A..... Ardell.....Because she is one
One Eyed Mike........ Odd in so much as he has two eyes
One Ball Paul.....Do not know the status, and or, actual ball count here, and none will be forthcoming in a future publication
Well there is just a sampling of some of the people of whom I have had the great pleasure in knowing over the years..Look them up if your ever in the neighborhood. Oh and by the way, they are" NOT" in the book.
